My (Semi Irrational) Fears

So I know I've been on a hiatus for the past month or so. But fighting armored bears using only my rock hard abs takes up a lot of my time. Plus I've been doing some charity work in Africa mining diamonds with my harder than diamond pectoral muscles [ Thats my pecs baby ;) ]. Well anyways, my amazingly ripped body aside, I am back! This week with a list of some of my fears. Some more irrational than others.

1. Snakes
2. Walking down a street at 2:00 A.M.
   
3. Walking down a street around 8:00 P.M. during a blackout.
4. Looking in mirrors or walking past a mirror.
5. Closing windows (sort of like the mirror fear)
6. Seeing people on ladders working "in" the ceiling (I always imagine that I'm gonna see them, and then they're gonna get dragged into the ceiling.)
7. The thought that one second spent staring into David Bowie's eye will cost you your soul.
8. The board game Perfection.
9. The thought that during the pledge, while feeling my heart beat, that I will feel it stop beating. Imagine "Bu-Bump, Bu-Bump, Bu-bump..............AHHHH!"
   
10. Accidentally eating any expired dairy product (I check EVERY expiration date)
11. The thought that I might never find Waldo.
12. Walking up stairs in the dark.
13. Morgan Freeman
14. That me and my friends might actually be the weird ones...and everyone else is normal.
15. Disregard that last fear, everyone knows that's not true.
16. What will the oldies station be when we get old?
17. That the Cuban Drug Cartel will find me.
18. That the voices will lead me wrong.
19. Getting my eye stapled.
20. That I will turn around while riding a waterslide, only to find a Velociraptor chasing after me.
21. That I won't be able to think of another quirky fear.
22. That people will find out I lied about most of these.
23. That I will type things that should probably stay in my mind.

The End!




oh....and ghosts.






P.S. Sorry about that creeperish comment at the very start. That was uncalled for.

Currently 11:59 PM going on 12:00 AM

HAPPY TOMORROW! Wait a second...that doesn't make sense does it? "Happy Today!" I guess? Actually, looking back on it now, its pretty much impossible to correctly say "Happy Tomorrow!" considering when you say it, it will no longer be tomorrow, but today. Sure it was yesterday's tomorrow that is now today, but that really doesn't matter now does it? I guess you could say "Happy Yesterday's Tomorrow!" but that's the same as "Happy Today!" thus rendering it overdrawn and unusable. Except maybe by people who want to say it so they sound either smart (so they can get all deep about it) or quirky (so that they can make people believe that they are a unique person capable of individualistic trains of thought). Either way, it's just a stupid thing to say. So don't say it. Unless for some reason you feel the need to feel smart and quirky, then by all means, go ahead. Or you could just say "Happy (insert day of week here)!", it sounds good and doesn't make you seem like someone who is forcing uniqueness upon other people's views of them to hide their conformist instincts as to prevent any spontaneous anarchist induced beat downs. From an incorrect greeting to the underlying conformist traits of human nature in 10 easy steps. Damn I'm good.

Imaginary Muffins and My Alarm Clock Dilemma

Muffins are really good. Like really really good. Especially blueberry muffins. Even when they are imaginary. Albeit they are a tad less amazing, considering that they are imaginary, and thus you can't actually eat them. So anyways, I should probably talk about why I'm ranting about the greatness of muffins. So I was in the shower, just minding my own business, when a wave of muffiny goodness sucker punched my taste buds. I could distinctly taste the blueberrys, despite not having a muffin since last Sunday (I think). Combined with my recent auditory hallucination however, this doesn't seem too far fetched. Dang, I gotta hurry up on writing this. Okay Alarm clock dilemma. Alarm clock doesnt work. Instead of trying to fix it, I set my phone alarm. Then my phone alarm didn't work. But it didnt really matter because I woke up before both of them were supposed to go off. So I guess it didnt really matter. Thinking back on it now, that whole story was pretty unnessecary. Well thats enough for this morning. Damn, how do I exit today... I already used the "end in the middle of the sentence" gimmick. Well I guess I could say a random word and leave, like Candlejack! Actually no, that would be stu

HELLO! oh and a quick story about my one way conversation with Bono.

Okay, first of all I realize that there are an inappropriate amount of exclamation points in my title. I mean there must be like what? 42 of them? (On a separate note, 42 is also the meaning of life, the universe and everything.....Coincidence? I think not.) Regardless of the redundancy of my punctuation, I'm often bored and will post whenever I feel like it. OH! The story! So the other night SOMEBODY (Who will most likely be the only person that reads this post. Also on that note, HI ASHLEY! If you are not Ashley, I'm sorry that was completely uncalled for.) kept me up until around 5:40 AM. Around 5:11 "Vertigo" by U2 came on the radio. Suddenly Bono was talking to me. Since this was an odd auditory hallucination and I was about to pass out, I do not remember what was said. All I know is that before the lyrics started, Bono was saying things to me. The best guess I have is that he was talking about how he never learned how to count (One, Two, Three, Fourteen.....Really?). I mean you would think that somone with such social stature and musical prowess would learn a basic 2 year old (24 months for those weirdos who talk of age in terms of months) skill. Well I do believe that I have rambled on enough for one night. So wait....do I say goodbye at the end of this thing? I mean I have to have some kind of exit. I can't just stop in the mid